So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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