Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
