We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
