I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
