I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
