Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
