You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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