The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
