you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
