Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
