remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
Randomize
