Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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