How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
