8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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