I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
