dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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