when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
