Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
