I wish I could punch you in the face.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
