I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
