The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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