hell yes lets make some ravioli
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
