I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
