She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
