Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
