I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
