i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
