Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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