I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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