I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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