I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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