She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
All the doctor said was why
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize