So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
