...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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