Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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