how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i love accidental penises.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
