Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
