'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
