god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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