I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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