This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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