if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
