We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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