Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
