my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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