i just sent this text using only my big toe
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
