I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
