i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
