She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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