you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
