none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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