I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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