How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
