Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
