She's JV to your varsity
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
