imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
