dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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