I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
