Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
