My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Vodka?
Forever.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
