I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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