matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
