He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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