if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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