we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
