This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
