Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
