Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
