No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
