In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Randomize
